Term-trotters

Collier, Jeremy 1808. Term-trotters. In: Tripper, Samuel (ed.), The Satirist, Or, Monthly Meteor, Vol. II. London: T. Gillet, 279-283.

"O seri studiorum!" - Hor.
O late learned dunces!

MR. SATIRIST,
WHETHER, in your time, the diversion of term-trotting was as much known and practiced at our universities as at the present enlightened period, I cannot pretend to say. "Diversion" though I call it, it is often attended with very serious consequences, and always affects the health of the mind. In brief, and to speak after the manner of academical men, it is reckoned a neat thing among the knowing ones; - this ('knowing") is like lucus a non lucendo! - to cut into college as close to the commencement of the term as possible, and out of it as soon, after the stated expiration, as four hacks, and two good flogging riders astride, can convey them. The jolting of the chaise is reckoned an admirable thing for working off the meta-physics, and other doctor's stuff; insomuch, that I have known young men, by the time they have reached London, no more altered by their academic excursion than if they had just returned from a sporting party at Newmarked. Of these young dashing geniuses all the town rings, and they would be fit subjects for no common castigation from your faithful ally, FLAGELANTUS; but, unhappily, they are incorrigible!
Let me beg, Mr. Satirist, you will bestow a lash on some term-trotting gentlemen of a very different cast. Old boys! as demure, and dull, and stupid, as any wights in Christendom. No buckism, but plenty of buckram, about them. Starch, stiff, formal, old quizzes, who - from losses in trade, bankruptcies, and such like (unavoidable) casualties - have, by may of consolation, taken to divinity, or, in the elegant phrase got ordained; and so, that all may be of a piece, term-trot for a degree, in order that they may affix two, instead of Dr. Pangloss's three, significant letters to their name, viz. A. B. - A BLOCKHEAD!
The patriarch of Heathen philosophers enjoined [...] Strange, Mr. Satirist, that - in the purest, most reformed church be sanctioned. Is it to be wondered that the sectarist increase, and multiply and replenish the earth, when Jeroboam's order (a piteons, unedifying tribe!) are admitted into the established pulpits! It is notorious that not a few term-trotting MECHANICS are holding very lucrative situations in the church, to the exclusion of men of real learning, unaffected piety, and sanctity of manners." What is, if this be not, in the strong language of the immortal Isaac Barrow on the same subject, "MOSTRUOUS INIQUITY?"
I am aware it will be said, Mr. Satirist, that a man may be "a good WORKMAN," to use the apostle's expression, who has never served his time at either of our universities. True; but in the catalogue of term-trotters that now lies before me, and which was drawn up by a beneficed clergyman of very extensive connexions, not one of this description occurs. It would be something, if their lives and conversations were regular; but these are generally the reverse!
The first on the list before me is a ci-devant attorney, living (I do not say "HAT," as he terms it) near Aldgate, who would be

"A decent priest where monkeys were the Gods!"

This gentleman is deeply conversant in no other science than the easy acquired one of hard drinking. To the fair sex his devotion is intense and unremitting. How far they have been edified by his addresses, they best know themselves. Will it be believed, Mr. Satirist, that this "vice" of priests, this merry ANDREW, lately succeeded to the very comfortable situation of chaplain to the --- --- ! He holds, likewise, very lucrative appointments, and is enabled to live in "holy luxury" unto his life's end! This would not have been, had he trusted to "the DEEDS of the law!" I forgot to tell you, this gentlemen is M. A. (merry ANDREW) of --- Coll. OXFORD!!
A very sensible pamphlet appeared a few years ago, entitled "Observations on the rapid Decline of the clerical Credit and Character;" in which mention is made of an inn-keeper in Cheshire (formerly a chise-driver) having been ordained to a valuable living in G. This worthy dignitary may still keep his hacks, without any BAR to his (future) preferment!!
One of the most pompous LOOKING priests in the metropolis is the Reverend Dr. Twistcross, of HOGS-Town. His wig, if compared with that of the most learned man of the present day, will be found much above PARR! Of the contents, however, nothing can be said. This reverend gentleman, who is literally "stiff as buckram," for many years followed the occupation of a STAYMAKER!!!

"I do remember an apothecracy,"

a little dapper fellow, who whilom was living in Bunhill-row, near the college of Bedlam - for aught I know he may be living there still - who, to use his own words, finding his patients die off his hands, was determined to work for death no longer, and so took to "the cure of souls:" being a "fellow of infinite wit," on being accosted by one of his quondam patients, and asked his reason or motive for quitting pharmacopæia, he pleaded physical necessity, and referred his patient to the place where it is written, "Because I have purged thee, and thou wast not purged, thou shalt be purged no more!" This ci-devant mender of bodies, now of SOULS, parades the public streets of London daily, habited in a short cassock, with all the usual costume of a dignitary of the church!

"Sed non tali auxilio -
Eget ECCLESIA!"

Mr. Satirist, if any apology be necessary for the above strictures, let me shelter myself under the authority of the greater, the immortal HOOKER, - venerabile nomen! "Those whom all other wordly hopes have forsaken commonly reserve the ministerial vocation, as their LAST and SUREST refuge, even open to forlorn men. These, finding nothing more easy than means to procure the writing of a few lines of some one or other which hath autherity, and nothing more usual than too much facility in condescending unto such requests, are often received into that vocation whereunto their unworthyness is no small disgrace... LET NO MAN SPARE TO TELL IT THEM, THEY ARE NOT FAITHFUL TOWARDS GOD, THAT BURDEN WILFULLY HIS CHURCH WITH SUCH SWARMS OF UNWORTHY CREATURES."
I remain, Mr. Satirist,
Your constant reader,
JEREMY COLLIER. (April 23.)

Ma tundsin vajadust need mõned leheküljed kahe sajandi tagust satiiri ümber kirjutada, sest see mõiste - term-trotter - jäi mind kummitama. Kuigi tekst ise käsitleb nurjunud advokaadi, arst-apteekri ja korseti-meistri (staymaker) pöördumist ülikooli, et saada kirikuteenriks, pärineb see mõiste ise akadeemilisest kontekstist ja näib tähistavat sellist üliõpilast kes - tänapäeva mõistes - kogub EAP'sid (õppepunkte) ja teeb kõik eksamid kiiresti ja korraga, et saaks kaelast ära ja millegi muuga tegeleda.
Ma leidsin selle kirjakoha tänu samal leheküljel lõppevale luuletusele, aga lugesin huvi pärast ka selle teksti läbi ja nädal hiljem leidsin end nuputamast, mis võiks olla term-trotter eesti keeles. Minu parim pakkumine on semestrijooksik. Tundsin ennast selle teema poolest vististi puudutatuna, sest pean ennast semestrijooksiku vastandiks: olen nagu semestritigu. Pool suvest on läbi ja ma tegelen siiamaani Roman Jakobsoni kommunikatsioonimudeliga. Kui saaks, siis õpiks ja uuriks lõputult. Tekst ise oli huvitav ka arhailise inglise keele tõttu. Mõned määratlust nõudnud sõnad:

• "O late learned dunces!"

  a person who is slow at learning; a stupid person.

• "the diversion of term-trotting"

  another term for harness racing.

• "they would be fit subjects for no common castigation from your faithful ally, FLAGELANTUS"

  flog (someone), either as a religious discipline or for sexual gratification.

• "No buckism, but plenty of buckram, about them."

  coarse linen or other cloth stiffened with gum or paste and used typically as interfacing and in bookbinding.

• "admitted into the established pulpits!"

  a raised platform or lectern in a church or chapel from which the preacher delivers a sermon.

• "in the strong language of the immortal Isaac Barrow on the same subject, "MOSTRUOUS INIQUITY?""

  immoral or grossly unfair behavior.

• "The first on the list before me is a ci-devant attorney"

  from or in an earlier time (used to indicate that someone or something once possessed a specified characteristic but no longer does so). // "her ci-devant student, now her lover"

• "How far they have been edified by his addresses, they best know themselves"

  instruct or improve (someone) morally or intellectually.

• "This worthy dignitary may still keep his hacks, without any BAR to his (future) preferment!!"

  promotion or appointment to a position or office. // "after ordination, preferment was fast"

• "I do remember an apothecracy,"

  a person who prepared and sold medicines and drugs.

• "a little dapper fellow, who whilom [formerly] was living in Bunhill-row"

  (typically of a man) neat and trim in dress, appearance, or bearing.

• "the ministerial vocation, as their LAST and SUREST refuge, even open to forlorn men"

  pitifully sad and abandoned or lonely. / (of an aim or endeavor) unlikely to succeed or be fulfilled; hopeless.