You Say More Than You Think

Janine Driver - You Say More Than You Think: Use the New Body Language to Get What You Want!, the 7-day Plan. Crown Archetype, 2010. 240 lk

Üks selleaastastest kehakeeleraamatutest. Midagi väga uut ja üllatavat minu jaoks ei sisaldanud, aga kordamiseks oli hea. Janine Driveri nägu on tänu BBC dokumentaalile kehakeelest nüüd juba üpris tuttav, kuigi ka tema kodulehel olev demo-video oli muljetavaldav. Ta nimetab ennast valjult kehakeeleeksperdiks, kuigi midagi väga uut ta valdkonda kaasa pole toonud. Mingisugused metafoorid, uued näited ja natuke NLPd.
Raamatut lugedes mõtlesin oma uurimustöö peale ja mõtisklesin, kase kine ehk kõige väiksem mõõdetav kehaline liigutus võib saada foneemi või grafeemi kombel mõõdetavaks/määratletavaks. Google ütles, et saab: kineme - (linguistics) In kinesics, a group of movements with an associated meaning, analogous to a phoneme in spoken language. Sinna juurde läheb lähevad veel sellised terminid nagu allokineme ja allomorphokinemic. Sain teada, et ühes raamatus (Handbook of semiotics) Ülikooli Raamatukogu semiootika riiulil on igasuguseid kineeme lahatud põhjalikult.
Kopeerisin siia katkendid, mis aitavad mul kultuuridevahelise kommunikatsiooni esseed kirjutada:

The idea for the Belly Button Rule was initially discovered in a study by W. T. James in the 1930s. Through a series of tests that had respondents identifying almost 350 different meanings for various poses from a series of photographs, James was able to determine that the direction of the torso plays a key role in determining a person’s level of interest. James separated belly button directionality into four key groups: approach (interest), withdrawal (disinterest), expansion (heightened interest and confidence), and contraction (nervousness and slightly reduced interest). About thirty years later, Dr. Albert Mehrabian further refined James’s studies, noting that belly button direction was the most important aspect of reading a person’s intention. Numerous studies have appeared since that time, confirming that the Belly Button Rule is one of the most accurate ways of gauging a person’s interest and intent.

As part of their grooming standards, Marines cannot put their hands in their pockets while in uniform unless they are getting something out or putting something in their pockets. In contrast, this Woody Allen trademark stance is a popular one for shy or less confident people. These folks may think they’re hiding their nervousness by shoving their hands in their pockets. They may think they’re seen as more casual or confident because they don’t feel compelled to do something overt or “stiff” with their hands. But honestly, any time a person hides a body part—especially something as important as his hands—people see it as a message of nervousness. (P.S.: we can tell when your hands are balled up in fists in your pocket—you’re not kidding anybody.)
This move is also considered a self-touch gesture, or what other experts call manipulators, pacifiers, or adapters. It’s an often unnoticed movement that we make where one part of our body (in this case the hands) touches another part of our body (upper thighs), usually to soothe ourselves during situations of high mental stress.

self-touching screams insecurity, a lack of confidence, and may even send the message, “Don’t talk to me—my insecurity will eventually drive you nuts!” With this body language, you’re not likely to score any points with potential contacts.
Our bodies have three vulnerable areas: our neck dimple (the fragile indentation at the front of the neck, below the Adam’s apple), our belly button, and our “naughty bits.”

When we put only one hand on our hips, it conveys a kind of sarcastic sass that people can use as a weapon. We use it to push away people who’ve come too close, to counterattack perceived assaults, or to simply keep people at distance.
The person who uses this pose wants to convey confidence, but instead, we register it as deflection and defiance. This pose is like a coiled rattlesnake, saying, “Take one step closer and I’ll attack.” True confidence, on the other hand—or hip—is more like armor.

If you expand the power steeple as if you were holding an imaginary basketball, you have the added effect of seeming hopeful, likable, dedicated, and firm in your convictions. This is the most powerful steeple to get others to begin to agree with you and to believe in you. It’s a power move that can be used for all occasions—weddings, family reunions, motivational speeches, confrontations, and negotiations.

According to a recent Harvard study, sixteen million Americans have a mental disorder you may never have heard of: “intermittent explosive disorder,” or IED. People with IED overreact to situations with uncontrollable rage, perhaps because they feel a sense of relief or release during the outburst. At the end of the outburst, they feel remorseful—but it doesn’t stop the next outburst. People with IED can freak out over the smallest provocation, attacking people or things, causing physical injuries or damage to other people’s possessions (road rage, anyone?). They are verbal bullies who like to threaten others, and although they are predisposed to depression, anxiety, and drug or alcohol abuse, the disorder is not caused by any of these afflictions.